Wednesday, June 1, 2011

An End To Fags In Jail?

No more ciggies in New Zealand prisons.
From 1st July, it’s a happenin’ thang – regardless of concerns about cigarette smuggling, or a rise in stress levels due to nicotine withdrawal.
But the Dept.of Corrections ain’t totally heartless: it’s come up with a healthy plan to help prisoners kick the habit – carrot sticks.
Yeup, you read right!
Corrections will be supplying each crim two carrot sticks a day as part of this anti-smoking policy. The costs have all been worked out: they'll be able to cut 16 carrot sticks, all in uniform sizes, out of one jumbo carrot! Based on the most recent prison population statistics, that's roughly 416,000 carrots per annum - a nice little windfall for the agricultural sector!
When I first heard about this, I thought it was a joke!
But no...the reasoning behind carrot sticks is that they’re healthier than other options, such as sweets, and should take inmates' minds off smoking. It means prisoners who usually buy cigarettes with their weekly allowance will have spare cash, and they’ll be encouraged into healthier snacks. A Dept.spokesman said: "It's the whole oral thing...if they’ve got something in their mouth, they won't be looking for a cigarette to put in it." Riiiiiiiiiight.
But will it reduce the risk when dropping soap in the prison shower?
"Is that a carrot in your hand, or are you just pleased to see me?"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Aren't carrots supposed to help you see better in the dark? Hardly conducive then to reducing nocturnal criminal activity...