NZ Herald Horror (and I mean it's standards!)

Yesterday (03 Aug.2016) an Emirates Boeing 777-300 crash-landed at Dubai: amazingly all 300 passengers and crew were saved.

I found out about the story when I opened the NZ Herald website today. Note: NOT a newsworthy headline like "All safe after Emirates crash in Dubai" or "Dubai Airport closed by crash" or even "300 saved by Boeing technology" ...no, I was offered a chance to "WATCH terrified passengers inside smoke-filled cabin"!!!
Yeup, in these days when everyone's cellphones make them 'photo-journos', someone FILMED what was nearly their moment of DEATH!
As if that particular action was not 'braindead personified', we were shown confusion, panic, screaming, yelling, every-man-for-himself ...and OMG! In the most crucial 60 seconds of their lives, passengers were opening overhead lockers and getting their cabin bags!
But the 'curdled-cream-on-the-rotting-cake' must surely be NZ Herald's decision to actually run this 'citizen footage' in the first place!
Posting pix of the crash site to support the story is one thing. To stream footage of terrified passengers clawing their way out of a smoke-filled cabin - and call it news - is completely different...and quite frankly piss-poor journalism.
Oh, but then, it's NOT real journalism, is it? It's yet another example of CNN-type sensationalism in the interests of reaping a few more dollars, more of the pathetic NZ Herald non-thoughts such as we've seen over the past few years.
One can only assume the editorial staff were born in the late '90s and bought their journalism qualifications on-line...

Shark-bait Selfie!

We see ourselves here...we see ourselves there...we take our selfies EVERYwhere!
Self-obsession has risen to new heights over the past few years, with folk like the Kardashians posting virtually every part of their lives (and anatomies!).
Your average Joe (and Josephine) Bloggs have followed suit, trying to gain a higher profile and larger ego, by posting more and more 'extreme' selfies! And when THAT doesn't work...well, they fake it 'til they can make it! Check THIS out!

Logic tells us that, if this was a REAL selfie, the guy could never have posted it, as he was about to become a shark sandwich!
But the Believers believed! Even the guy himself claimed (for a while) that he'd escaped by the skin of his boardshorts to tell the tale...
But sooner or later on the 'net, the truth will come out! A cute bit of Photoshopping, that's all!

Winners And Losers

Ahhhh, the pitfalls of posting selfies!
An Ozzie woman who posted a pic of her winning Melbourne Cup ticket has had her A$825 winnings stolen.

...and OMG! She's BLONDE!!!

The Perth woman, known only as Chantelle, backed the 100-to-1 shot Prince of Penzance in last Tuesday's Melbourne Cup.
When she found out she'd won, she posted a selfie - including its clearly-readable barcode (duuuuuhhhh!!!) - to brag to her friends.
Well, one of those "friends" wasn't quite so friendly! Just 15 minutes later, she tried to cash her winning ticket...only to find it had already been claimed.
Shock-horror-probe! Someone had downloaded the selfie pic, cut out the winning ticket's barcode and put it into an automated machine.
The theft was made all the worse after Chantelle realised the culprit must have been one of her Facebook "friends".
This should serve as a warning to social media users posting seemingly innocuous images that may contain sensitive information...but you know it won't. This stupid practice of self-publicity will continue, and rip-offs like this will happen again!
So, at whom should our scorn be directed: the ratbag Facebook "friend" who made an opportunistic cash-killing? Or the bimbo idiot who showed the world her winning barcode?

The Force Is Too Strong For Internet

The Force has awoken...and crashed the internet.
Tickets went on sale for Star Wars: The Force Awakens at 10am yesterday. Within minutes, Reading Cinema's website crashed due to heavy demand, and other NZ cinemas were nearly sold out for midnight sessions.
As has been a tradition dating back to 1997, Star Wars will debut at a special midnight screening. Sales for all sessions were going well prior the crash, but the midnight shows were proving the most popular.
Reading Cinema's spokesman says the last time he remembered demand for a film peaking this high was in the run-up to Avatar.
Twitter was glowing like a lightsabre, post-ticket release, with some twits gloating about seeing the movie in New Zealand before the rest of the world (due to the timezone difference).
But one indigenous twit seemed dissatisfied: "Given all Star Wars clones are maori actors, why can't we have lightsabre taiahas?" (a maori weapon) "And just imagine a clone army haka!"
Oh puh-leez, talk about being trapped in a space vortex. Next there'll be a maori claim for intellectual property rights!
The 7th installment in George Lucas' much beloved and obsessed-over franchise will premiere in NZ at 12.01am on Thursday, 17 December.

Maori stormtroopers - yea, right!

Surf's Up For Air NZ

Hey dude, if you've not flown Air New Zealand internationally in the last month, you've probably not caught a wave or two with its latest safety video.
This time, it's teamed up with some of the world's hottest surfers...past and present world champs, NZ's best surfers, and two of the world's most popular women surfers on social media.
But wait! Aren't some of these waves in California and Ozzie's Gold Coast??? Yeup, and the producers threw in a bit of Piha and Raglan too, just to keep it vaguely kiwi.
Hmmm, I know surfers are generally a bit crazy, but why promote surf, sun and safety in the middle of a Noo Zild WINTER???
And that backing track seemed ever so tedious and inane...
Still, perhaps - as this is the 11th of the safety videos that get tens of millions of online views globally - Air NZ's getting low on ideas. No! Marketing boss Mike Tod says it's aimed at creating awareness of three locations the airline operates in. And by involving surfers from Brazil and Japan as well, the airline hopes to create interest in those countries too.
Say what? If they're seeing the vid on an Air NZ jet, then they're already on their way here, right? Wrong! There's method in the Air NZ Madness! It's designed to make YOU wanna fly to those places with THEM!
So when does the line between safety message and marketing get crossed? Did that happen months back, with Air NZ's controversial swimsuit vid? And let's not even mention the crappy Richards Simmons one!
Ok, so if you want oxygen masks dropping from a Malibu lifeguard tower, floating paper lanterns to represent floor lights, airline seats on a Gold Coast beach, tanned taut and terrif rubber-clad surfer girls and boys, then check this...

A Real Love Story

A man, recently dumped by his girlfriend of four years, was browsing the web when he saw an offer he could not refuse.
No, not some sordid on-line romance! A brand-new casino site was offering new players $30 free, for a chance to win a progressive jackpot of over half a million dollars.
Carl Matthews had just lost his job, and had racked up over $9K of credit card bills he couldn't pay back. Just when he thought his life couldn't suck any harder, his girlfriend Amy Parkinson decided to call it quits...via text! A real class act...

Amy: "Carl was the sweetest guy, but I needed someone with drive, who could look after me financially and I just never saw Carl being that person."
In stepped KARMA!!!
Carls life was about to dramatically change. Those $30 that initially aroused his interest ended up multiplying for him over 10,000 times. After spinning for 14 minutes, Carl won a progressive jackpot that dropped a massive $362,259.03 into his bank account!
Curiously, Amy's feelings towards Carl quickly changed. "She started calling, texting, emailing, saying she wanted to give it another go. Saying she wanted to make it work. That she loved me, she missed me, she couldn't imagine life without me," says Carl.
Current state of play:
Carl remains single. Amy remains persistent.
Assessment:
It simply MUST be true love. Right? RIIIIIGGHHTT!!

There Shalt Be No Happiness In Iran



Having FUN???!!! How despicable!!!

Six Iranian youths, arrested for video-dancing to Pharrell Williams' song Happy, have been sentenced to up to a year in prison and 91 lashes!
The homemade video (filmed mainly on iPhones) shows three men and three *shock! horror!* unveiled women dancing on the streets and rooftops of Tehran. In six months, it had over a million views on YouTube.
The Happy We Are From Tehran clip was spotted by Iranian "morality" authorities, and the group was nabbed for violating oppressive Islamic laws, which prohibit dancing with members of the opposite sex, and women from appearing without a headscarf. They obviously also broke a secret law about being happy! The Thought Police said their "vulgar clip" had "hurt public chastity". Riiiiiight.
The majority of those in the video were sentenced to 6mths' jail, with one member given a year. However the draconian sentences have been suspended for three years, meaning they will not go to prison if they don't re-offend. But hey - no pressure!

The arrests drew global condemnation and sparked a social media campaign calling for their release. Pharrell Williams also protested at the arrests on Facebook: "It's beyond sad that these kids were arrested for trying to spread happiness." His song has inspired over a thousand tribute remakes since it was released last year on the Despicable Me 2 soundtrack.
Supporters were quick to quote Iranian President Hassan Rouhani from a public speech he made in June 2013: "Happiness is our people's right. We shouldn't be too hard on behaviours caused by joy."
He obviously speaks the same BS as his predeccessor!

Cashing In On Ebola

Hey, never let a large-scale health disaster get in the way of good hard-earned money scams, I say!
I notice one of the latest rip-offs to circulate into my in-box is a rewriting of the usual crap...with all the same-ol' same-ol' spelling mistakes, but with an Ebola twist:

"Hello sir /madam,
Thanks be and God richly bless you for your kind gesture in helping me out of this critical situations.
Yes i,m Peter Karu a Sierra Leone citizen from West Africa sub region of Africa.
My father and my mother has died currently from Ebola Diseases virus, and i am manage to escaped from Sierra Leone to Ghana a country alsos in West Africa.
meanwhile my late father Chief Karu was a Gold merchanter , and have his Gold delivery office in Ghana.
I want you to help to ship my late father 120 kilograms of Gold ,out of Africa as soon as possible.
meanwhile , my late father also deposited $3,2M America dollar with a private security bank company in Ghana.
I need your help quickly , so that i can continued my education.
I,m 16 years old now. and i now stay in an uncompleted house building in Ghana Africa now.
I need your help very urgently.
Thank you, your son Peter Karu "

Well, I've never slept with an African gal so Peter Karu is definitely NOT my son! How dare he get so familiar! LOL And if he WAS, his grammatical skills would be much higher than this clown's!

Further, as you'll see at this [link], young "Peter" has changed his name from "Solomon Korobo", son of "Chief Korobo".
You KNOW what these vultures are up to. Do NOT be tempted... unlike THIS gullible Australian pillick [link]!

So What?

My eye was caught by this headline, screaming from the online edition of Huffington Post last Monday...

SO BLOODY WHAT?
I for one am happy in my own space, I may or may not follow any particular religious path, and I enjoy sex.
But do you need to know any of that? NO.
Do readers of any news source need to know if a particular gay Christian chooses not to get laid? NO.
The media needs to keeps its collective eye 'on the ball' and report the facts of real issues effecting the global community.
Was this story one of those? NO.

Right Place, Right Time, Right Whale

Justin Hofman was at the right place at the right time.
His photo of a southern right whale has captured imaginations around the web with its juxtaposition of the right whale's huge mass under a small boat...

Hofman was on the National Geographic Explorer, diving off Argentina's Patagonian coast to photograph southern right whales. Shooting the pix required a lot of planning. He says his group's diving permit was for just a single day: "Valdes Peninsula [off the coast of Argentina] is an incredibly windy place that can be closed down any day of the year, so us having the permit for only one day was a huge gamble."
Hofman says, as his photo did the rounds online, some questioned whether it was faked: "I promise this is not a composition of two photos and was only possible with the help of a skillful boat handler who placed the boat in the perfect position."
From a whalewatcher's... photographer's... hell, ANYone's perspective, it IS the perfect shot! Congrats for the magic, Justin!

[...many thanx to National Geographic]

Facebook: Decapitations OK To Share

On Facebook, it's ok to post decapitation videos!
Now you can post, say, a video of some poor bastard having his head sliced off by a rabid Taliban fundamentalist...as long as you write platitudes like "OMG! How terrible!"

WWII war crime.
If this happened today,
you could post it...as
long as you said "tut-tut!"

Facebook slapped on the ban last May, stopping graphic content such as beheadings and other nasties from being published. But now it's returning to its status quo, ie: not policing violent content that members share in condemnation of the depicted acts.
A spokesman says: "Facebook is where people turn to share experiences, particularly when they're connected to controversial events such as human rights abuses, acts of terrorism and other violent events. People share these videos here to condemn them. If they were being celebrated, or the actions encouraged, our approach would be different." But wait: back in May, Facebook DID take a different approach, saying it would delete violent videos reported by users (this, after a backlash when two execution videos did the rounds).
Meanwhile, Facebook's Statement of Rights and Responsibilities continues to state: "You will not post content that: is hate speech, threatening, or pornographic; incites violence; or contains nudity or graphic or gratuitous violence." Yea. Right.
Facebook reckons graphic stuff like beheadings are only a violation of its policy...if the content is being celebrated by users!! But it's trying to figure out the best way to give people control over types of content. In the meantime...
*psst!*...wanna see a snuff movie? Um...er...it's... oh...really bad. TERRIBLE!! Check it out, dude! :-)

[This follows so soon after Facebook earlier this month effectively opened the privacy door to STALKERS!]

Who's No.1 For Hacking?

If you enjoyed the late Tom Clancy's techo-thriller Threat Vector, you may be thinking that China is the world's worst nation for internet hacking. Think again.
China has a reputation as the hacker capital of the world, but a new report shows the bulk of global cyber-attack activity has recently come from its smaller neighbour, Indonesia.
38% of the world's cyber attacks originated in Indonesia during the second quarter of 2013, up from 21% in the first quarter. This spike knocked China off the hacking pedestal, with Big Red accounting for 33% of attacks, down from 34%. The amount of hacking originating in US (although at No.3), is a piddly 6.9% of cyber-attack traffic, a decrease from 8.3%. Indonesia and China alone accounted for more than half of all global cyber-attack activity during the quarter!
While it may seem like Indonesia came out of nowhere to take the lead (last year it accounted for less than 1% of cyber crimes), hackers may be taking advantage of its increase in connection and weakening IT structure. The country's average internet connection speed increased 125% from the same time last year. That, coupled with the fact the country isn't spending lots on its infrastructure, may make the country a haven for cybercriminals.
Last Jan., hacker group Anonymous Indonesia claimed responsibility for defacing 12 government websites. In April, the country's defence minister announced it was building a Cyber Defence Centre to combat hackers. Microsoft also felt the supposed wrath of Indonesian criminals (among others) when it put the lid on a cyber-crime operation in June.
One thing to keep in mind: the IP address assigned to a particular country may not be the nation where the attacker resides. So someone from China with an IP address associated with them, may actually be committing cyber attacks in, say, France, while sitting anonymously in Turkey...!

Facebook Welcomes Stalkers

I warned you. Now the time is nigh.
Facebook is dumping a feature that protects your privacy!

Facebook: helping you share more
ads with the people in your life...

The retirement of the "Who can look up your Timeline by name?" privacy setting means now anyone can find the profile of someone else through the search bar. People used to be able to make themselves disappear from the search functions, and hide their presence on the network to strangers, by modifying the setting.
Facebook says it's removing that setting (which controls whether users could be found when people type their name into the search bar), because only a single-digit percentage of the nearly 1.2 billion people on its network were using it. But it says users can still protect their privacy by limiting the audience for each thing they post about themselves.
Of course, being careful about what you post doesn't get rid of the fact that you can now be found on Facebook by anyone...stalkers or admirers alike!
As Facebook is an advertising-backed business whose revenue growth depends on its users (YOU!) sharing as much data as possible, the company's main motivation is to wipe out your user privacy over time. The removal of this search setting goes hand-in-hand with the expansion of Facebook's search feature, which people often use to find people they know - or wanna know - on the site. This will force more ad content to be readable by everyone, so more pages can be served up and more ad revenue generated.
Is that really what you joined Facebook for?

Blessed Are The Geek...

They say there's one born every minute...
and many of 'em turn into geeks!
Well, if you're stuck for what to buy a geek this Xmas, try ThinkGeek.
This website is chocka with the weird and wonderful, for those among us who are themselves weird and...er...wonderful.
For example, here's the perfect gift for entomophagists: an Edible Bugs gift pack! Let's face it: bugs are all around us. They suck our
blood, invade our houses, scare people. So bite 'em before they bite you!
Around the world, many people eat insects - and many think eating insects is the thing of the future. They're healthy, abundant, and quite yummy - especially when they're seasoned.
Time to share those bugs, with this Edible Bugs Gift Pack. Six tins of flavoured and cooked bugs, plus one tin of giant waterbug chilli paste! For eating. Really! Why hold back from the taste of Sour Cream and Onion Dung Beetles? How about Bacon and Cheese Grasshoppers? BBQ Bamboo Worms, or Salted Queen Weaver Ants? And just US$39.99.
But if that's all just a tad too weird for your resident weirdo, ThinkGeek can tempt your geekazoid with logo-emblazoned Star Trek socks, a 'World Of Warcraft' Trivial Pursuit game, Canned Unicorn Meat (500gm of delicious unicorn meat from a small independent cannery in County Meath, Ireland)... and how could any left-minded galactically-fixated geek resist Astronaut Ice Cream? It's freeze-dried ice cream in three flavours (great for the survivalist with a sweet tooth!), and can be stored (unopened) for up to 3 years.
Geek goodies for everyone this Xmas! Ho-ho-ho!

You've Been Erased!

Deleting yourself from the internet is hard work.
Some say it's virtually impossible to erase your footprint from the Virtual World.
First, you have to decide where exactly you want to disappear - from social media sites to retailer databases. Then the bigger issue (for those of us not techno-savvy): you've gotta figure out how you're going to do all that!
Well, they say 'for every problem, there's a solution'...so here's something you may want to check out.
A site called JustDelete.me makes vanishing from the web much easier. Created by U.K. developer Robb Lewis, JustDelete.me is a directory of URLs that highlights links to pages you may want to remove yourself from, so you don't have to jump through hoops to do so. This includes sites like Facebook, Foursquare and the like.
Some companies use "dark pattern" techniques, which makes it difficult to delete accounts. This is meant to dissaude users from successfully completing the removal process. JustDelete.me ranks each site's process from "easy" to "impossible", so you know what to expect ahead of time. For example, NewYorkTimes.com and Amazon.com are rated as "hard" to delete, while movie directory IMDB.com and PayPal are listed as "easy." Sone sites such as Pinterest and Netflix are "impossible".
The promotional material trumpets: next time you want to call it quits with a site, visit JustDelete.me and save yourself a headache. Ahhhh, if only it really WAS that easy!
Better still, think first about the long-term implications before even signing up to a particular site...

Yahoo! Japan Says FU To Environmentalists

Wildlife advocates are bitterly disappointed by international conglomerate SoftBank Corp's refusal to ban ads for ivory, whale and dolphin on its company Yahoo! Japan.
This follows an approach by the Environmental Investigation Agency and Humane Society Intl.to SoftBank, urging it to direct Yahoo! Japan to join all other Yahoo! websites worldwide in banning the sale of these products.
Today Yahoo! Japan lists almost 8,000 ads for elephant ivory (which have tripled since Amazon and Google removed all ads for elephant ivory and whale products from their Japanese shopping sites). Around 80% of the ivory ads are for hanko (name seals used to sign official

Dolphin for dinner?

documents), made from illicit ivory tusks smuggled into Japan from Africa.
Yahoo! Japan also offers 249 whale products (including sashimi, bacon and canned whale meat), from internationally protected species like fin whales illegally killed in Iceland, minke from the Antarctic whale sanctuary as well as Bryde's, sei and sperm whales killed in the NW Pacific. Other ads feature products from mammals brutally killed in Taiji in Japan, made infamous by the Oscar-winning documentary The Cove.
Yahoo! Japan is the top dog in SoftBank's internet division, making nearly US$4 billion in 2012, and naturally Softcorp wants to expand it internationally. But along with that expansion comes a broader social responsibility.
Amazon listened to the concerns of the global village last year.
Yahoo! Japan would do well to heed their concerns also...

Facebook: More Friends, Less Love

We may feel more connected online, but Facebook might not be our friend.
TVNZ reports that a new study shows the more people use Facebook, the less we 'feel the love'. Social scientists at the University of Michigan found, although using the social media site helped people to feel more connected, it did not make them happier.

Social psychologist Ethan Kross: "On the surface, Facebook provides a valuable resource for fulfilling the basic human need for social connection. But rather than enhance well-being, we found that Facebook use predicts the opposite result - it undermines it."
The study of 82 young adults found the more time people spent on Facebook during the day, the worse they reported feeling. Participants were texted randomly five times a day for a fortnight, with a link to an online survey. Questions included how worried and lonely they felt, how much they used Facebook, and how much direct contact with people they'd had since the previous text.
Life satisfaction was tested at the beginning and end of the study. Those who'd spent more time on Facebook had declining happiness levels. Conversely, more direct interactions (either face-to-face, or over the phone) led people to feel better.

Gee, what a revelation! Mum was right all along!!!
Background:
The latest Nielsen research shows 80% of New Zealanders use Facebook, higher than Australia (74%), the US (69%) and UK (68%).

BK Bun Bed

A Burger King worker in Japan has lost his job after he posted a photo of himself lounging around on a pile of buns!

Yes, I AM a dick!

BK apologised after the idiot employee tweeted the picture - which spread around the world. It said the buns were later disposed of, not served up. The same (now-closed) Twitter account also showed a pic of Idiot Boy sitting in a restaurant bin.
The newly-unemployed pillick joins a long list of former (obviously 'maturity-challenged') employees, fired after being hoisted on their own pittards. For example, just last week a Subway staff member was fired after posting a pic online of his genitals on top of a foot-long sub (and before you speculate, he'd placed himself widthwise, not lengthwise!!). Earlier this year a KFC worker was sacked when a photo of her licking a pile of mashed potatoes went viral. And a Russian flight attendant lost her job over a snap showing "the bird" being given to a planeload of passengers.

...and so am I!

As mentioned many times before, social media users must be aware that once a posting is made, it can not be retracted. It's "out there" for all to see - often the more stupid the photo or comment, the faster it'll spread. It may (???) seem clever to flop your dick onto a bread roll, but do you really think that'll stay private? (Intended pun!) Or tweeting you're having a great time at Big Day Out when your boss thinks you're actually home sick... duuhh!!!
Meanwhile, could someone please investigate the contents of the bucket on the right-hand side of that bun-bed photo! WTF?!!!

Facebook Crashed - Did The World End?

Facebook, the world's most popular social network, temporarily crashed globally yesterday afternoon.
OMG! Who was to blame?
No, it wasn't Chinese chopping into the Pentagon, nor Iranians intent on injuring Israel. *shock*horror*probe* Anarchist digital group Anonymous patted itself on the back and claimed credit.
But why would it wangle such a wicked thang?! No explanation was given...evil, huh?
Here in New Zealand, the site appeared to stop loading and, for a while after it returned, a number of its search and news group functions didn't work. Sinistre...oui?
Over on rival social media Twitter, this caused major multi-lingual melt-down. One Portuguese Twitter user said: "TANGO DOWN by ANONYMOUS LEADER Blame it for global warming and everything else."
Diabólico! Others on Twitter were ever so slightly lighthearted:
"Where were you during the Great Facebook Crash of 2013?"
"Productivity rates just skyrocketed after that Facebook crash". [Methinx a truer word was never written in jest!]
Another wondered if they were personally responsible: "I used status update on Facebook, and now seem to have caused the entire site to crash for the last 5 minutes. MyBad. Sorry."
Mega founder and internet millionaire Kim Dotcom jokingly tweeted that the crash was linked to the American NSA's PRISM programme:"NSA is upgrading Prism capacity on Facebook today. Expect service interruptions on Facebook for the next few hours. :-)"
...meanwhile the rest of us - actually functioning happily in the real world - carried on, oblivious to this global catastrophe! *sigh*

Love: The Final Frontier

A love of all things Star Trek might not make you the captain of Starship OKCupid, but who cares what those lesser lifeforms think... now that StarTrekDating.com is here?
Yeup, that's right, and just in time for the next movie too!
Someone or some THING out there in the universe SOMEwhere is waiting to love you. The webpage headlines:
'Set Phasers to stunning... and if that doesnt work, set them to stun! Our matching system for online daters helps improve your chances of finding a relationship. If youre a Sci-fi fan and want to meet your Borg Queen or Captain Kirk, try it now!'

Intergalactic hottie?

"Star Trek fans are nerds," says Oliver Gough, owner of StarTrekDating.com. "They know what they're looking for." He reckons sites like Match.com are too broad for the kinds of hyperenthusiastic people who use his service. After all, these are people who "nine times out of 10 post pictures of themselves photoshopped on the Starship Enterprise!" And there's nothing wrong with that! I myself have a pic of me in Starship costume on the Enterprise bridge - but that was the REAL thing (well, a real replica), NO Photoshop. Truely! It WAS!
So beam aboard Trekkies, and Klingon for the ride of your lovelife - the next gen Love Boat is about to depart! You have the con, Mr Sulu!