Saturday, April 25, 2009

Power Up, Scotty!

The good ol' New Zealand winter draws closer, and in Auckland there's always high humidity. So instead of tolerating condensation inside the abode again this winter, I thought I'd be pro-active and take action.
Inspired, I headed to the nearest hardware store and bought two timers - one for my dehumidifier and the other for my heater. Thought I'd switch the former on automatically late afternoon to dry out the air, and then the latter after that (as dry air heats faster).
Ok, plug timers into junction box, switch on individual junction box plugs, plug appliances into timer switches - remembering to switch on actual appliances at source - and set timers with appropriate on/off times. Did I cover all the steps? Yes. Did they work?!
So I spent an hour (yeup, count it: one...) sitting on the floor by the junction box checking, setting, waiting, watching, checking, resetting, waiting, watching, resetting again. Eventually I concluded that one timer switched on but did not switch off, and the other didn't switch on at all.
So back to get the products swapped: not as easy a task as it could have been, given that the reluctant assistant kept insisting they had "never had any problems with this brand before". *Ding-dong!* Warning bells rang dimly somewhere down the dark dank dingy corridors of my cranium.
Home, bearing two new timers. I proceeded to proceed through the plug-in procedure...wait, watch... same problem, no action. Fiddle-curse-mutter. *Ping!*
A light went on. Contrary to the instructions, the switch on the side of each unit (which determines timed power or normal power flow), instead of being pushed towards the 'timer' icon for timed power, needed to be pushed toward the 'normal' icon - thus covering 'normal' and only leaving 'timer' visible...therefore showing that 'timer' was in fact what was selected!!! Duuuhhh!!
Of course, it would have been of some help if the "Made-In-China" units' instructions had made that clear. Or maybe it's just me...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

So, Like, Overheard At Uni...Random!

I've been attending uni part-time for two years...and have been stunned by the limited ability to communicate clearly, evidenced by some of the student conversations I've overheard. Now I'm well aware that so like totally gay random is so like part of today-speak that it's so like totally clearly understood by those who otherwise seem to have difficulty linking two thoughts together, y'know? But for me, while not intentionally eavesdropping but sardine-crushed in an elevator with 20 others (young enough to be my kids but obviously too illiterate to be mine! LOL) all loudly vacuuming about 'nothingness', in time to the tss-tss-tss-tss from their hi-volume ipods, I can't help but overhear their banalities...and note some here.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Girl#1: We should totally go to Marianna's party tomorrow night.
Girl#2: Oh my god, we totally should! Except it's in Manukau. Like, how would we even get there? Are there like, buses or something?
Girl#1: You're kidding, right?
Girl#2 (laughing): Wow! I am so one of those people who are like total geniuses but always forget like, really basic stuff.
Girl#1: Umm, yeah. Totally.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Skinny Girl#1: Last night I dreamed I was eating a pork chop.
Skinny Girl#2: Ew, gross!
+ + + + + + + + + +
Guy#1: Yeah, man, I reckon marriage must be rough. I mean, you need to find someone who can bring something to the table.
Guy#2: Yeah...what do you mean?
Guy#1: Like when you hit 30 and are looking to settle down, you need to find someone who has something to offer, coz if she doesn't, then you're in trouble.
Guy#2: Okay?
Guy#1: I mean, look at that old guy Paul McCartney. He married that lady, and they were together, what, five years? She brought nothing to the table. Then they divorced and she got 60 million dollars. Just like that!
Guy#2: Yeah, that's a lot of money.
Guy#1: I know! But I shouldn't say anything bad about her...y'know, coz she's crippled.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Guy: You saw "Notorious"? How was it?
Girl: Well, I didn't even know I was going to a movie, I thought we were going to a concert.
Guy: He's dead, you know.
Girl: Well, now I know.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl#1: What's time's our next tutorial?
Girl#2: 10.
Girl#1: Really? I'm so tired I can't remember.
Girl#2: Why are you tired?
Girl#1: I don't know. I woke up on the floor this morning.
Girl#2: Why?
Girl#1: Dunno. I went to sleep in my bed and woke up on the floor.
Girl#2: That sucks. I woke up in the bath once.
Girl#1: What would be worse is waking up on the toilet!
Girl#2: I can't imagine that.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Guy: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you'll break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl: She was off rollerskating with her sister for, like, three the hell does a five-year-old rollerskate for three hours?
Guy: I know, right? Kids are like guineapigs.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl (in coffee shop): Do you have decaffeinated tea?
Waitress: Yes.
Girl: Does it have caffeine in it?
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl: So I heard this question on the radio this morning: would you rather be fat and have someone think you're pregnant, or have someone think you're a prostitute? That's just retarded, because you can fix pregnant...and fat. You can't fix prostitute.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl#1: In that question, did you know how long a century was?
Girl#2: No! I didn't know either! I don't know how long a century is!
Girl#3: You don't know how long a century is?
Girl#1: No! How long is it?
Girl#3 (without any hesitation whatsoever): Ten years.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Guy: You're like the smartest person I know. You're practically Einstein.
Girl: I don't really get sex jokes.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl: The mall is, like, so all about clothes now.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl: You know, I'm not normally a lesbian. I was just checking out the competition last night!
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl#1: I feel like I'm making too many good decisions because I haven't seen you. We need to get me into more trouble.
Girl#2: Oh my god, Amanda, I haven't seen you in so long either. I feel like I'm making bad decisions because I haven't seen you.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Guy#1: We were just talking about how we would cover up a murder.
Guy#2: Oh, you wouldn't believe how many times I've thought about that...
+ + + + + + + + + +
Guy: This wouldn't be the worst thing that's happened. Bad things happen all the time. Think about worse things going on right now, or that have been going on for, like, forever.
Girl: It feels like it's getting worse, though.
Guy: But it's not, though.
Girl: Yeah, but these bad things keep happening. It always keeps happening.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl#1: Oh my god! I am like, not okay. I'm not okay!
Girl#2: Oh my god, are you okay?
Girl#1: Yeah, I'm okay. But look at me! I'm not okay!
+ + + + + + + + +
Girl#1: (laughing) Hey, trust you to jump the queue, you pushy Asian puke!
Girl#2: (laughing) You're just jealous, nigger!
[The shocking thing about this particular intercourse was that both girls were blonde caucasians with obviously no idea of the offence likely to be inflicted on the multi-race group around them!!!]
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl: (discussing magazines) Oh my god! So like...there's a 'Men's Health', only it's 'Women's'!
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl: (seated) I feel so much taller when I stand up.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Girl#1: I want to visit China one day...but it's just so crowded!
Girl#2: of people everywhere!
+ + + + + + + + +

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Delightful Dr.Torres

Her name is Sara Ramirez. You probably recognise her as Dr.Callie Torres from the TV hit series, Grey's Anatomy. Mexican actress with luscious hair, come-to-bed eyes and a husky voice...she's being held up as a poster child for the American Plus-Size Revolution. Most reviewers try to be discreet about not mentioning her curves in anything other than a complimentary manner. Yet it wasn't too long ago that the USA movie/modelling worlds wouldn't have touched her with a very long stick. My, my, how times have changed...!
To many, she's delightful, very sexy...but Plus-Size? Hell, she's only a 12 (in NZ terms, that's around a 14-16).

And that's my point: America has become sooooooo conditioned to pretzel-logic on-screen and catwalk, that if a woman is not a stick insect, she's labelled as...*gasp*...fat! Or worse still...obese!
But these curves are the general female population's NORM, not some aberration, she's not some FAT girl who SOMEHOW got a lucky break. OMG! Is Hollywood finally getting real?
[you might also like to check out Callie’s hot underwear dance too!]

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Broadband Botch-up...

Technophobe...dat's me.
For example, broadband. When you get it installed at home, a techo simply fronts up and installs it, doesn't he? But no, I was gonna do it myself: after all, how hard could it be?
So I signed up with NZ Telecom, and was sent a lil' blue box covered by what resembled children's doodles, proclaiming the contents to be Telecom's Broadband Single PC Self-Install Kit. Cool! (Actually not so cool...Telecom's marketing dept needs to know that not everyone thinks that sort of artwork looks good - it reminded me of mindless schoolboy scribblings.)

What Telecom didn't tell me was that, as revealed on the back of said lil' blue box, my computer would need Windows 2000, XP or Vista in order to run this Broadband thingee. Problem: I have a dinosaur of a HP PC which has Windows 95 as its operating system. It's such an ancient beast that its set-up material is all on floppy discs, its hard-drive doesn't have a CD, and the back protrudes so far out that it makes the Hunchback of Notre Dame look positively svelte!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

The Gentle Language of Flowers

If you're a romantic at heart, you'll know that a bouquet of flowers speaks volumes. Every kind of emotion or sentiment can be expressed within a flower's delicate petals. While a nice floral bouquet conveys love and thoughtfulness, many types of flowers are traditionally associated with different meanings. Here're a few of our favourite flowers and their associations:
Almond blossom - hope
Red carnation - admiration
White carnation - pure love, innocence
Daffodil - unrequited love
Daisy - gentleness, loyalty
Hibiscus – beauty
Iris - friendship
White lily - majesty, purity; Pear blossom - health, hope; Orchid - beauty, refinement; Tulip - symbol of the perfect lover; Violet - modesty, simplicity
Rose - one of the most popular and well-known flowers, comes in a variety of hues and shades, each of which has a different significance. Make sure you're sending that special someone the right message with the right-coloured rose!
red - the universal symbol of love, can also signify courage, beauty, and respect.
white - these elegant flowers are a wonderful way to show someone you care. They're commonly associated with purity and innocence.
light pink - can make a great gift for a friend. They're symbolic of fun and happiness.
yellow - is an emblem of platonic love and friendship, symbolizing joy and promise of a new beginning.
Flowers have a unique language that's been used by people for hundreds of years to convey emotions without words. So whether you're celebrating a birthday, anniversary, or just want to help a loved one feel extra special, flowers are a truly wonderful way to express your feelings.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

What's In A Name...?

Eeeeeee, by gooom!Ever 'googled' your own name?
We're all curious over who-knows-what about us out there, right? Gee, someone with my name in Outer Mongolia is doing a research project on the brain patterns of newts!
Well, get this: apart from being a famous English playwright, athlete, CEO and musician, I've also appeared in the early days (Episode 88) of TV's Coronation Street!
In 1961 my namesake lived in the flat (No.15A Coronation Street) above the corner shop - now owned by Dev Alahan but, then, owned by Elsie Lappin (her claim to Coro fame was that she spoke the first-ever line in the series: "Now the next thing you've got to do is get a signwriter in. That thing above the door'll have to be changed.")
Other well-known characters to have lived in 15A include: Jerry Booth, Emily Nugent, Betty Turpin, Irma Barlow, Bet Lynch, Deirdre Langton and daughter Tracey, Alf and Audrey Roberts, Sally and Kevin Webster, Curly Watts, Ken Barlow, Nita Desai, Sunita Parekh, and so really did need to know this, right?