Thursday, April 16, 2009

So, Like, Overheard At Uni...Random!

I've been attending uni part-time for two years...and have been stunned by the limited ability to communicate clearly, evidenced by some of the student conversations I've overheard. Now I'm well aware that so like totally gay random is so like part of today-speak that it's so like totally clearly understood by those who otherwise seem to have difficulty linking two thoughts together, y'know? But for me, while not intentionally eavesdropping but sardine-crushed in an elevator with 20 others (young enough to be my kids but obviously too illiterate to be mine! LOL) all loudly vacuuming about 'nothingness', in time to the tss-tss-tss-tss from their hi-volume ipods, I can't help but overhear their banalities...and note some here.
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Girl#1: We should totally go to Marianna's party tomorrow night.
Girl#2: Oh my god, we totally should! Except it's in Manukau. Like, how would we even get there? Are there like, buses or something?
Girl#1: You're kidding, right?
Girl#2 (laughing): Wow! I am so one of those people who are like total geniuses but always forget like, really basic stuff.
Girl#1: Umm, yeah. Totally.
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Skinny Girl#1: Last night I dreamed I was eating a pork chop.
Skinny Girl#2: Ew, gross!
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Guy#1: Yeah, man, I reckon marriage must be rough. I mean, you need to find someone who can bring something to the table.
Guy#2: Yeah...what do you mean?
Guy#1: Like when you hit 30 and are looking to settle down, you need to find someone who has something to offer, coz if she doesn't, then you're in trouble.
Guy#2: Okay?
Guy#1: I mean, look at that old guy Paul McCartney. He married that lady, and they were together, what, five years? She brought nothing to the table. Then they divorced and she got 60 million dollars. Just like that!
Guy#2: Yeah, that's a lot of money.
Guy#1: I know! But I shouldn't say anything bad about her...y'know, coz she's crippled.
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Guy: You saw "Notorious"? How was it?
Girl: Well, I didn't even know I was going to a movie, I thought we were going to a concert.
Guy: He's dead, you know.
Girl: Well, now I know.
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Girl#1: What's time's our next tutorial?
Girl#2: 10.
Girl#1: Really? I'm so tired I can't remember.
Girl#2: Why are you tired?
Girl#1: I don't know. I woke up on the floor this morning.
Girl#2: Why?
Girl#1: Dunno. I went to sleep in my bed and woke up on the floor.
Girl#2: That sucks. I woke up in the bath once.
Girl#1: What would be worse is waking up on the toilet!
Girl#2: I can't imagine that.
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Guy: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you'll break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name.
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Girl: She was off rollerskating with her sister for, like, three the hell does a five-year-old rollerskate for three hours?
Guy: I know, right? Kids are like guineapigs.
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Girl (in coffee shop): Do you have decaffeinated tea?
Waitress: Yes.
Girl: Does it have caffeine in it?
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Girl: So I heard this question on the radio this morning: would you rather be fat and have someone think you're pregnant, or have someone think you're a prostitute? That's just retarded, because you can fix pregnant...and fat. You can't fix prostitute.
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Girl#1: In that question, did you know how long a century was?
Girl#2: No! I didn't know either! I don't know how long a century is!
Girl#3: You don't know how long a century is?
Girl#1: No! How long is it?
Girl#3 (without any hesitation whatsoever): Ten years.
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Guy: You're like the smartest person I know. You're practically Einstein.
Girl: I don't really get sex jokes.
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Girl: The mall is, like, so all about clothes now.
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Girl: You know, I'm not normally a lesbian. I was just checking out the competition last night!
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Girl#1: I feel like I'm making too many good decisions because I haven't seen you. We need to get me into more trouble.
Girl#2: Oh my god, Amanda, I haven't seen you in so long either. I feel like I'm making bad decisions because I haven't seen you.
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Guy#1: We were just talking about how we would cover up a murder.
Guy#2: Oh, you wouldn't believe how many times I've thought about that...
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Guy: This wouldn't be the worst thing that's happened. Bad things happen all the time. Think about worse things going on right now, or that have been going on for, like, forever.
Girl: It feels like it's getting worse, though.
Guy: But it's not, though.
Girl: Yeah, but these bad things keep happening. It always keeps happening.
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Girl#1: Oh my god! I am like, not okay. I'm not okay!
Girl#2: Oh my god, are you okay?
Girl#1: Yeah, I'm okay. But look at me! I'm not okay!
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Girl#1: (laughing) Hey, trust you to jump the queue, you pushy Asian puke!
Girl#2: (laughing) You're just jealous, nigger!
[The shocking thing about this particular intercourse was that both girls were blonde caucasians with obviously no idea of the offence likely to be inflicted on the multi-race group around them!!!]
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Girl: (discussing magazines) Oh my god! So like...there's a 'Men's Health', only it's 'Women's'!
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Girl: (seated) I feel so much taller when I stand up.
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Girl#1: I want to visit China one day...but it's just so crowded!
Girl#2: of people everywhere!
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Richard said...

I LOVE THIS! Keep it up Phil. I might print these out at work - these are great!

Salacious said...

The scary part about this is that these are university students, right? Yikes! Definitely good humor in a twisted, frightening, what's the world coming to sort of way. Keep us posted and please reassure us that on some occasions you hear a reasonable, logical, sane conversation.