Tuesday, February 14, 2012

On Goldfish And Love

Officially known as Valentine's Day and marked annually on February 14th., St.Valentine's day is the day to celebrate the love between you and your partner.
It's also the day of absurdly-priced roses, packed restaurants...and high drama at the office when the women out-bitch each other with the size and amount of bouquets received. If you do get busted forgetting flowers or that it's actually THAT day, calmly explain to your loved one that you don't believe in commercialism. Instead tell them you feel your love is present every day and that, unlike your relationship, flowers will eventually die. Brilliant!
Dining out tonight? Put in a bit of effort into your clothing. As Mark Twain said - rather strangely - during a speech at the Louisiana Central Naturist Club in the 1880s: "Clothes maketh the man. Naked people have very little impact on society." Things not to wear on any date include safety workgear, tracksuits or gumboots...unless for some bizarre reason you're taking them to an abbattoir (which would quite literally be rather stink!).
Even the best relationships can get a little stale. Make sure you keep things sparking with regular dates, or find other ways to spend time together that don't involve you parked up in your grundies on the couch watching Sky Sport. Remember to ask your partner about their day, listen to them...even if you feel you're definitely the more interesting one!
Romance doesn't have to be expensive. You just need a little imagination, or internet access to rip off some inspiration. Low-cost ideas include: writing a poem (something better than "There was a young girl from Nantucket..."), leaving wee lovenotes everywhere saying things like "thinking of you" rather than "have you ironed my shirt yet?", maybe master some sexy phrase in French such as "has the milk passed its best-buy date?" If you say it smoothly enough, your partner won't care what the words actually mean!
Remember, relationships are like goldfish. Anyone can get one, but not everyone can keep 'em alive.

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