Monday, June 7, 2010

Thick Ankles and Thinly Veiled Cynicism

While I criticise newspapers sometimes, it's true to say they still provide an overwhelming majority of in-depth and important news.
For example: according to the esteemed Wall Street Journal, did you know some people have thick ankles? *gasp* And that thick ankles are sometimes derisively referred to as "cankles"? And that some people are embarrassed by them? Of course you did. And did you know no-one will notice your dish-pan hands if you have slim ankles? True!
That's why, across America, ankle circumference reduction (by any method possible) is becoming big business! Enough Americans are concerned about thick ankles that gyms are coming up with new ways to tone 'em, plastic surgeons are pushing US$4-6,000 liposuction procedures to slim 'em, and shoe companies are offering special models designed to minimize 'em.
If I was a cynic, I’d say there's an entire industry profiting from women’s insecurities... and that they actively increase the size of women’s insecurities by promoting "cures" for problems women didn’t even know they had. But I’m not cynical. Not me. No, no, NO, no!!


Jim Chandler said...

As a spider-shanked, follicly-challenged American with a nascent bay window fed by an overly active potato trap, I've learned some very interesting bits from this post. First, that Americans are apparently obsessed with their circumferences! This comes as a shock to me since, when I look around at the average American, this certainly does not seem to be the case. Second, that an English-language lecturer at MIT wrote a book entitled "The Perfect Insult for Every Occasion". I have renewed hope that I might qualify for admission at MIT. Although I fear that I may be a bit long in the tooth. Sigh... gosh I hate those muffin tops.

Philbee, said...

Yeup, there's hope for us all!
And yes, ain't those muffin tops a real bitch!