Thursday, March 14, 2013

Sex-Hungry Navy Dolphins On The Run!

News flash! Three rogue naval 'killer' dolphins are on the loose!
And here's the most frightening thing of all: this is not a drill.
And it's not April 1st either!
The Russian International News Agency RIA Novosti has reported three of the Ukrainian Navy's killer dolphins are on the run. Yeup, killer Ukrainian Dolphins! There were five in the force and they all went rogue earlier this month. Two came back after a few days, but the other three are still out there...
Ukraine, by the way, is a rather large country squeezed between Russia and Poland. On top is Belarus. Underneath is the Black Sea. And that's where the Ukrainian Navy has a major seaport, Sevastopol, where for years it has trained killer dolphins.
Nyet, no joke. The killer dolphin programme has been around since 1973, when it was a Soviet thing. The reason the Ukrainian Navy trains killer dolphins is to attack enemy combat swimmers and detect mines. There's even a suggestion they may be able to attach magnetic explosives to sink enemy ships.
Experts think the runaway dolphins are just looking for romance and hopefully will return in a week or two.
But if they don't...well, ya know what they say: loose fish sink ships.
Oh, hang about, they're mammals. Hmmm...

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