Sex In Space

At this very moment, a Russian satellite full of geckos (possibly having sex), is floating above us in space!

"Stop watching, ya Russian perverts!"

The Foton-M4 research satellite was launched on 19 July with five geckos on board. All the Ruskies wanted was to observe how the lizards would "do the wild thang" in zero-gravity. Several other earthly creatures, including plants and insects, were also placed on board for experiments.
But that was far too simple a destiny for the craft. Shortly after it's first few orbits, the satellite stopped responding to commands. The Russians're still receiving data from the satellite about how the lizards are doing, but for now, that's all they can do.
A spokesman for Russia's Institute of Biomedical Problems says experts are working to re-establish a connection to the satellite.
Meantime - above all the turmoil on Earth that Russia is embroiled in - it's bizarre Lizard Space Sex project continues as Mother Nature intended, for the rest of the 60-day mission.
Go, you randy lil' green things, you!

'The Hobbit' Episode 3

It's officially called The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies, and it's coming your way this Christmas.
This, the final film in Peter Jackson's Hobbit trilogy, doesn't hit the big screen until 17 December, but you can get a sneak peek at the first teaser trailer right now.
Screenwriter/producer Philippa Boyens: "People tend to forget what happens at the end of The Hobbit. They think of this little children's book. The rest of the story needs to be told, and it's pretty intense stuff."
Those lucky sods who've been able to preview the movie advise that fans should get ready for huge clashes and heartwrenching losses... and of course, lots of gorgeous sweeping New Zealand scenery shots!
Check out the trailer:

Too Soon For Rolf Harris Jokes?

An Ozzie car dealer has been slammed on social media, for a Rolf Harris joke in an ad for a used Toyota ute.
Under the photo of a second-hand HiLux for sale is: "There's more hope of Rolf Harris getting a babysitting gig than us finding a better example." (referring to the Australian entertainer who was jailed for child sex offences earlier this month).
Those with no sense of humour spread it across social media sites last weekend. And as you can imagine, the howls were loud and rather precious.
The ad was for Goldfields Toyota in Kalgoorlie - sales manager Darryl Evans: "We try to make our ads a little bit interesting and a little bit lighthearted, but we blurred the lines of good taste and bad on this occasion."
Toyota Australia contacted the dealer as soon as it heard about the ad and asked for its removal, but by then social media had fanned the usual hysteria.
Come on, ockers! This is naught but a wee laugh at Harris' expense! It may also be regarded as easing the national tension over the demise of one of Australia's (until now) most loved figures. If the reference was to - say - Adolf Hitler's antics, then we'd be talking righteous disgust... but until then, chill!
If I were you, I'd be more irate about the price of that ute!

Cook Strait Ferry Debacle Continues

When will KiwiRail face up to reality?
Better still, when when it face a government enquiry?

Its Cook Strait ferry Aratere is only just back in service, after returning from dry dock in Singapore, where she was repaired after a propeller fell off last November.
Around 3yrs ago, the company installed more fuel-efficient propellers as part of the lengthening of the ship (a stretching process that many marine experts did not recommend). During the recent dry-docking, some dickhead decided to put the original propellers back on - these are now slowing the ship down by 15 minutes per trip across Cook Strait! KiwiRail is investigating larger propellers which could require a dry dock, but the earliest that could happen is next winter.
This means one sailing per day will be dropped from the schedule. What a DEBACLE!!!

"Er...didn't feel a thing!!"

The dropped sailing will be picked up by KiwiRail's other rusting dog, Arahura... er, ya mean, the same Arahura that hit the Wellington terminal wharf this week?
Yeup, the same incident which the captain DENIED...but which a witness filmed!
The list of incidents involving the vessels and crews on the InterIslander run is growing by the DAY! Surely an enquiry is long overdue!
Mind you, NZ First leader Winston Peters suggests the govt may WANT KiwiRail to fail, in order to flick it off in a 'fire sale'. Doesn't sound too farfetched at all...

Is Paul Henry Mentally Stable?

Ask him when he intends to RESIGN!!!

He simply cannot help himself.
Paul Henry has again highlighted the very reasons why he should not be in the media anywhere!
On Tuesday night, Michelle Dickinson - an Auckland University senior lecturer - was on Henry's show discussing the benefits of organic food. An interesting subject with an articulate intelligent person: er,

WHAT did he just ask me...?!

Michelle, NOT PH!
However, in true dickhead style, PH showed himself to be NZ tv's most puerile waste-of-space.
Michelle Dickinson had been invited by businessman Richard Branson onto his private island. So PH produced a pic of Branson hugging Dickinson and then asked: "Did you have sex with him?" True! Watch this (at approx.5:00).
It's just a shame she didn't counter with: "Have YOU?", and walk out! The fact that she DIDN'T shows she's far higher up the evolutionary ladder than the giggling idiot interviewing her.
This was not a Lewinsky/Clinton expose: why PH thought his question was funny or relevant is surely beyond the grasp of all above the mental age of 5.
So why does TV3 still employ him? Yeup - ratings, money and the guy we love-to-hate. But TV3 needs to give far wider consideration to broadcasting standards: schoolboy snigger-subjects are well below what the average tv viewer expects in adult viewing time.
So, WILL TV3/Mediaworks actually grow some balls and bitchslap Paul Henry into the back-of-beyond? Yea, right...

Airline Has Egg Foo Yung On Face

An unexpected sight for visitors to Christchurch Intl.Airport on Monday morning...

A China Southern Airlines 787 Dreamliner bound for Auckland was diverted to Christchurch because of thick fog.
But the passengers had to stay onboard for five hours on the tarmac!
GM in Auckland Mike Ma said there was no alternative but to keep the passengers on board at Christchurch. The plane needed to be ready to fly at a moment's notice if the fog lifted, and there would have been a longer delay if the passengers had disembarked. There is also no agreement between the airline and Christchurch terminal to have workers bring the passengers into the terminal.
Passengers were given water after about 90 minutes on the ground, but China Southern was unable to provide food because the terminal did not have the ability to provide enough meals within a short period. (Jeez, Mr.Ma, if you can't arrange a special local delivery of stir-fried rice in 5hrs., there's something wrong with your organisational skills!)
Christchurch Airport says when an international flight is diverted, a number of different companies and agencies are involved in decisions around the aircraft and its passengers: "In this case, the airport company was not involved in any decisions about the plane's passengers."
The flight finally landed in Auckland more than six hours later at 12.46pm.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Back In The Water...

A fishing blog in Russia has got anglers scrambling to catch giant mutant catfish...said to be growing near the 1986 Chernobyl nuclear disaster site!
The blog has even featured a picture of one catfish which locals reckon is over 2m long!

Because of the risk of radiation poisoning, access is limited to the area, and all fishing for food purposes has stopped. But now there's renewed interest from sporting fishermen keen to land the catch of their lives - regardless of whether it'll cost them their lives!
The Pripyat River is polluted with radionuclides, but anglers say there're giant fish to be caught, in parts of the river near but outside the exclusion zone. Riiigghhtt - like the fish can't be irradiated near Chernobyl, and then swim into a "safe zone"???
One local fisherman says: "I reckon radiation is more likely to give them extra eyeballs and two heads rather than simply making them enormous in size." Been watching too much sci-fi? "The bottom line is that nobody is fishing these waters," (really? Ask yourself WHY!!) "...and that's meant with no natural predator, the catfish has been able to grow to an enormous size."
Scientists are testing to see if they have excessive radiation levels which could be responsible for their large size.
Meantime, if you fancy a dinner that glows in the dark, go fishing for giant catfish near Chernobyl!

Air NZ's Safety Manager Helps Hijackers

You've no doubt heard of the 'curious' incident aboard Air New Zealand's Perth-Auckland flight NZ176 back in May...how two pilots were stood down after the captain didn't open the cockpit door for the co-pilot for two minutes mid-flight!

The story goes that, during the flight, the first officer left the flight deck for a widdle and had a coffee with a crew member in the galley. Air NZ's operational integrity and safety manager, Errol Burtenshaw: "Given the altitude of the flight, the captain donned his oxygen mask, as is standard procedure when one pilot exits the flight deck in a two-person flight crew." But when the first officer wanted back in, the crew member spent two minutes trying to alert the captain that his off-sider was waiting at the cockpit door. Burtenshaw says the captain failed to respond because he was approaching a navigational waypoint and his cockpit monitor showed a crew member was ringing, rather than the first officer.
Now, here's where Burtenshaw cocks up: "The first officer became concerned that the captain did not answer the calls and used an alternative entry method to gain access."
What the hell was Air NZ thinking, confirming to the world a security flaw in 777s?!! The consequences of this PR blunder, revealing that locked cockpit doors on 777s can be readily bypassed, will surely be immense. It let out a secret that the industry's been at pains not to discuss for years! The flaw directly compromises the security of the cockpit and critical electronic systems. The secret had been remarkably well kept, and with a few words, it's now blown!
Security measures will need to be put in place urgently, around the world. Well done, Errol Burtenshaw - you just earnt yourself 72 virgins in the Hereafter!

Charges May Be Laid At Former Police Station

Christchurch's former police station may be brought down with

explosives.
The 13-storey tower in the CBD was damaged in the earthquakes and police staff moved out in late 2012.
Ngai Tahu Property (NTP) chief executive Tony Sewell said implosion and traditional demolition were the two options being considered.
Ceres NZ was working with NTP: the company was contracted to assist on the August 2012 implosion of Radio Network House - the first controlled building demolition by explosives in NZ. Ceres NZ: "At this stage we are in the very early stages of consulting with the owners and therefore are unable to make comment about the potential demolition."
Hundreds of people crowded into Latimer Square to watch the 14-storey Radio Network building come down - the early morning implosion went without incident. Ceres partnered with Controlled Demolition Inc., an American company with a track record of more than 9000 implosions.
NTP owns the Christchurch city block bordered by Montreal, Hereford and Cashel Streets and Cambridge Tce - an area of about 15,500 square metres.
The former police station was built in 1973 and was the 6th.tallest building in Christchurch at the time.

Blue Whale Ain't Goin' Nowhere...

"Whale meat again...don't know where...don't know when..."

One hundred tonnes of whale is not something that can easily be disposed of - ha, not even for the Japanese!!!
A dead blue whale washed on to the rocky foreshore just south of New Plymouth last week...and that's where it'll stay.
The 19.5m whale washed up on Tapuae Beach, and is believed to be a blue whale or a pygmy blue.
Taranaki Department of Conservation acting senior biodiversity ranger Callum Lilley said it's been an interesting opportunity to get a closer look at the largest species on earth. Experts from Massey University have performed a necropsy "...however, once inside we realised it was really decomposed." There was nothing they could ascertain about the cause of the whale's death, except that there were no obvious signs of trauma.
Callum says because of the massive size of the whale it would most likely be left on the rocks at the beach. Its resting spot is far away from any easily-accessible parts of the beach.
Blue whales are known to feed on krill off the South Taranaki Bight. They have been spotted there over the last few years, much to the delight of scientists.

Three Times Not Out...If You're Bro Royalty

King and Son Co.Ltd.: such regal bearing!

Korotangi Paki appeared in the Auckland District Court this week on charges of drink-driving, two counts of burglary and one of theft (the last three while on bail).
If this 19yr.old had been anyone else, he'd have been nailed.
But daddy is the maori king, King Tuheitia, so Judge Philippa Cunningham jumped through PC hoops and granted him a conditional discharge without conviction.
Immediately a public backlash began: a Stuff.co.nz on-line public

opinion poll says it all...
According to his lawyer, Paki could only succeed his ailing father to the throne if he had a clean record, so Madam Judge ruled the impact of a conviction would exceed the gravity of the offending.
Outside court, the family's representative Tuku Morgan (yes, he who spent $4,000 of Aotearoa TV's bucks on undies for himself in 1997!!) said the judge's decision had been a victory for maori and recognition of their unique culture: "The judge has recognised a very important and compelling cultural difference; that he is entwined in a succession process that one day will give rise to a new head of the kingdom, and his opportunity should not be in any way shape or form minimised or compromised."
University of Auckland law professor and author of Criminal Procedure in NZ Bill Hodge says that argument is bollocks: "That is up to the Maori authorities in question, not a matter of New Zealand law and to that extent is one law for common people and another law for royalty."
Paki has exploited his supposed royal status and culture to trick the judge into discharging him without conviction. What kind of message does this send to other NZers, of ANY ethnicity?
And quite frankly, as the judge obviously bought into this holier-than-thou royalty rubbish without adherence to the laws of this land (where ONE law is meant to fit ALL), what does this say about her??!!

McCully's Mob Muddles It Up

The story breaks: an overseas official invokes diplomatic immunity and escapes NZ, after alleged sexual assault.
The nation's journos splutter indignantly: Name him! Shame him! Bring him back!
Questions are raised: Who IS he? Which country? What exactly IS diplomatic immunity?
Facts emerge: he is Muhammad Rizalman bin Ismail, a Malaysian diplo. And his country says no way will it waive immunity – tough luck, NZ!
But then it all gets a bit murky…
PM Johnno Key says he wants Ismail in a kiwi court. The military-ruled Malaysia is reported as saying it would only allow that if Ismail's life would be safe in NZ (Ha! Pot, meet kettle!!!) Then as the world's media vultures circle a potential diplomatic incident, Malaysia says: hang on, we did NOT say anything of the sort. We've been totally co-operative! WTF???
Well, it seems our Dept of Foreign Affairs, balliwick of Muddling Murray McCully, got itself befuddled with we-said/they-said, and didn't even tell the Minister about the situation! Comms confusion in the Ministry resulting in a total SNAFU!

Womble in the headlights

McCully: "We apologise for a performance that was below the standard expected of the Foreign Ministry."
So will Ismail face the music in NZ? Don't hold your breath. Tough luck for the alleged rape victim, eh!
But to blame the cock-up on a staff member who was out of communications reach when the shit hit the fan is pathetic! Where were the back-ups, safeguards, systems? This is after all McCully's baby, his people, his RESPONSIBILITY.
Like multiple times in the past when this womble has dropped the ball, McCully should be publically humiliated and put on notice to pull his department's socks up…or else. The buck stops with him.
But will this happen? Of course not.
It is after all, General Election Countdown time…

UPDATE: 05 July 2014 - Malaysia WILL send the miscreant back for trial in NZ...and Muddling McCully told to 'suck it up' and apologise to Malaysia. Miracles DO happen!

Voters Want Maui's Dolphin Saved

There are only 55 Maui's dolphins left. Less than five dozen!!!
We WILL see this critically-endangered subspecies become extinct in our lifetime - probably within the next DECADE - unless our politicians act NOW.

Mallard's completely QUACKERS!

And yet, in the countdown to this year's election, Labour's Hutt South MP Trevor Mallard continues to push a flakey dream that the long-extinct moa can be brought back to life through DNA technology, and become a tourist attraction!
Mallard says moa could return to the Rimutaka Forest Park (in his electorate): "It would certainly give us international focus and frankly I can't think of a better place."
His leader David Cunliffe: "It's not official Party policy."
But Mallard's absolutely serious that New Zealand should be taking advantage of science as it develops...with provisos: "I only want the small moa. I don't want 240kg ones, 3.5 metres tall. I'd like ones that I could pat on the head."
Riiiiiiiiight. So Mallard wants some sort of cute feathered pet, with no true intent to save a species! This may explain the dire plight of the world's smallest dolphin, on our own doorstep. Mallard was at one time the Minister for the Environment: he could have made a difference. Now instead he wants to re-birth a bloody giant chicken!
A World Wildlife Foundation poll by Colman Brunton found 60% of NZ voters would be more likely to vote for a political party that expanded a ban on set and trawl nets to cover the entire area that Maui's dolphin live in.
Election Day is 20 September...just a thought.