Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Time Travel

The Tardis has NOTHING on this!I've done a little time-travelling lately. Made a few notes along the way:
  • Time Machine finally finished. Think I'll head back to the Cold War and warn them about the bomb. If there’s a city where London used to be, it worked!

  • Time Machine working great. Just hate that I have to travel in the nude. James Cameron was right.

  • Evidently rubbing Hitler’s toothbrush on my butt had no effect on the war. Wait, I’m not typing in German...! Ok, so it worked then.

  • Cleopatra's not that hot. Don’t know what the fuss was about: she smelled like asp.

  • Just went back and beat up on my 1st.Form self. Now I can see why this appealed to the 5th.Formers back then.

  • Persuaded the Vikings to change the sheep faces on the front of their ships to dragons. We’ll see.

  • Put a towbar on the Time Machine. Off to Galilee with a trailer-load of loaves and fishes.

  • Guess what Attila’s wife calls him? No, “monkey butt”!! I guessed wrong too!

  • Future Madonna will do you for five bucks. Thinks adopting the entire population of Zambia was a mistake. She’s 90, but still...$5 is a bargain!

  • Told JFK to get a move on, or he'd miss out on the Moon. "The Moon?! I'm a bit busy with Cuba right now!"

  • Gave Marilyn the heads-up: gentlemen really do prefer blondes.

  • Just time-travelled to Ancient Macedonia. Gave a pep talk to a kid named Alexander the Mediocre. Hope that worked out.

  • Painted the Red Baron’s plane green last night. He was so confused. "I’m sure I parked it there!" What a doofus.

  • Swapped a gourd of water for wine at some wedding in Cana. Should have seen the expressions on their faces.

  • Almost busted by my 6-year old self. Hid under the bed for three hours. He was freaked out.

  • 13th Century England definitely not ready for Ye Olde Breast Exam Clinic.

  • Turns out that neanderthals CAN mate with humans, but you need to get them very drunk.

  • Antwerp is nice in 1630. Lunched with Rubens. Told him plus-sized women would be all the rage.

  • In ancient Egypt this morning. Suggested round tombs for their pharaohs, but they'd already signed the contracts for pointy ones.

  • The Aztecs have a princess called Neutrogina. She has lovely skin.

  • (many thanks to Christopher Moore)

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