Dead Whale In A Beer Bottle!

Coming soon: a beer made with whale meat!
A new Icelandic beer has sparked a sea of criticism from some conservationists who say its "immoral." Iceland's Steðji brewery and whaling company Hvalur (now, THERE's a surprise...NOT!) have teamed up to release the beer, to coincide with a mid-winter festival in honour of Norse god Thor (the festival season runs mid-January to mid-February).
The brewery claims the 5.2% beer is healthy because it has no added sugar and because whale meal (ground up whale bone) is full of protein and very low in fat. It claims that those who drink it will become "true Vikings". (Ugh-ugh! Macho thumping of chest!)
Steðji says the beer was created for the festival, in which people gather and celebrate "as we've done for many centuries and eat cured food, including whale fat, and now we have the beer to drink with this" (note the nationalistic xenophobic tone). The limited-release beer will be available only in Iceland and

Loftsson: dead eyes,
dead soul...

will not be exported.
Whale and Dolphin Conservation has slammed whaling company Hvalur's 'desperate hunt' for new markets: "Demand for this meat is in decline, with fewer and fewer people eating it. Even so, reducing a beautiful, sentient whale to an ingredient on the side of a beer bottle is about as immoral and outrageous as it gets."
Mind you, that 'immoral and outrageous' whaler, Kristján Loftsson, is at the bottom of this particular bottle...so that says it all really.

Last Call At Historic Dunedin Bar

As iconic as Auckland's Gluepot Tavern, so too is Dunedin's Captain Cook Tavern.
Every student of Otago University will have solid memories of that venue. But the historic pub, which first opened in 1860, closes its doors tonight, after the bar's owners and DB Breweries gave up the lease.
No one's taken over the lease, and the University says it won't be buying the pub, even though the Otago University Students' Assn (OUSA) wanted to save it and retain it as a student pub. OUSA Prez Francisco Hernandez: "A lot of students live in this area (close to the tavern), and students are a lot safer going to a bar where they live, compared to going all the way to the Octagon, which isn't safe on some nights."
Former students took over the bar's lease about nine years ago. The pub's a student institution, but has come under increased scrutiny from licensing authorities and the police.
Dunedin's already lost two other student bars. Otago Uni bought The Bowler in 2009 and converted it into teaching spaces. A year later it also bought and closed down The Gardies to make way for a study centre.
The owners of the Captain Cook building hope to attract a new operator to continue its legacy. Meanwhile they say a notice given to DB Breweries (which led to the building closing earlier than planned) was not a notice to vacate. It was given because the company considered the lease had been breached, as the building had been deteriorating. A lease condition was to keep the building in ''excellent working order'' and, if DB did not bring the building up to scratch, the owners would consider chasing it for the cost of any work that needed to be done. DB said it was unable to comment because legal proceedings were under way...

Death Of A Wine-Abee

A second coroner in London has ruled that singer Amy Winehouse did die of alcohol poisoning, when she went on a drinking binge after a period of abstinence.

What a way to be remembered

Coroner Shirley Radcliffe's report has confirmed a ruling that'd been thrown out when it came to light that the coroner on the original inquest in 2011 lacked the proper qualifications.
Ms. Radcliffe said Winehouse died of alcohol toxicity and recorded a verdict of death by misadventure. She said the singer "voluntarily consumed alcohol - a deliberate act that took an unexpected turn and led to her death."
Winehouse was found dead in her London home in July 2011, with empty vodka bottles scattered around her body. According to The Daily Mail, she died while narcissistically watching YouTube videos of herself through an alcoholic haze.
The coroner found Winehouse's blood had five times the legal limit for alcohol for driving in Britain, a lethal level of 0.4%. A pathologist testified such a high concentration would cause respiratory arrest.
A doctor who'd treated the lush for addiction, said she had given up illicit drugs like heroin, crack cocaine and marijuana, but had struggled to stop drinking. Winehouse had begun drinking a few days before her death after two weeks of avoiding alcohol. The doctor reported that Winehouse "...said she started drinking again because she felt bored."
So let's get things clear then: Winehouse was no musical powerhouse, no misunderstood model of merit, no social saint in sullied skirt. She was an average muso with excessive indulgences, of which she died.
To those die-hard fans who sanctimoniously maintain their subject-of-worship couldn't possibly have died of her own excesses...let this second inquest be an end to it all. Time to move on now...

Have Another Drink, And Think About It...

So...we start 2013 by reiterating to the government what we - the voting public - want...and the government is STILL "thinking about it".
*sigh* Happy bloody New Year.
A Herald poll published yesterday shows almost two-thirds of New Zealanders support lowering the drink-drive limit and bringing the country in line with others. But despite police support and figures suggesting the move would save lives, the govt is still weighing up the benefits.
The survey shows 65% support cutting the limit from 80 micrograms of alcohol per 100ml of blood to 50mcg.
National road policing manager Superintendent Carey Griffiths says drivers at or around 80mcg were too drunk to drive safely: "For most people two drinks is well under 50mcg. It's not about stopping people enjoying a drink, it's about reducing the risk to everyone."
And for all drivers under the age of 20, a zero limit is in place.
The Ministry of Transport says in the past four years, 20 people have been killed in road accidents involving drinking drivers just below the current 80mcg legal limit.
Across the Tasman, Oz has a drink-drive limit of 50mcg.
University of Canterbury senior lecturer Eric Crampton is studying a drop in the limit, but says further analysis is needed, to determine how many people were driving within the 50mcg-80mcg range. The govt will not decide on lowering it until more research is complete.
Meanwhile, provisional stats released for 2012 show our road toll - albeit the 2nd lowest in 60yrs - rose against that of 2011. Alcohol was a factor in 31% of NZ's fatal crashes...
...but let's just "think about it" for another couple of years, huh?

Hitting The G-Spot

Gee! Is this for real?!! Ja!
German liquor company G-Spirits has recently released a limited edition line of vodka, rum and whiskey... that're poured down the generous chests of top models before being bottled. No, this isn't just a clever marketing gag, these are real premium products - with premium prices!
Whatever you mix with your alcohol, it can’t possibly be as hot as whiskey that's been poured on the chest of Alexa Varga, Hungary's 2012 Playmate of the Year. And she’s just one of three gorgeous models used to make the unique drinks.
It's not clear how the company manages to actually bottle the drinks after they've cascaded down the women's bodies and dripped off their twinkletoes...but I suspect the men in the target market don't really care. And a bottle will only set you back $150 – $180, depending on the spirit!
Looks like the Tui Girls have competition!

What's Hotter Than A Swedish Nurse?

Hotties - queue here!
Stockholm South General hospital is urging nurses looking "TV-series hot" to apply for a summer position in its emergency dept. A nursing degree might not be enough to land the job: the ad implies management are looking to hire their own Nurse McDreamy!
But officials say the description is merely a way of generating buzz about the job, just an attention-grabber: "Everybody else writes Summer Substitutes Wanted. We got something more catchy." So far, the ad's been well-received, with a statement on the hospital website to clarify things: "People understand it was written to catch their attention, there's been no negative feedback," says Nursing Manager Jorgen Andersson.

Perhaps Swedes have a broader sense of humour than the broads of Feminist Action...
A new group in NZ has launched a campaign against DB Breweries' latest Tui Beer ad showing klutz men outwitting scantily-clad female brewers in order to steal beer. It wants the TVC banned for degrading women and trivialising relationships.
Spokesman Leonie Morris reckons the message is that women are just sexual objects: "They're also saying women are stupid...the men are real dorks, but they still manage to outwit the women." However she's been ridiculed on talkback radio as hypersensitive and out-of-touch.
Tui's humorous advertising campaign uses stereotypes, heavy irony and the phrase "Yeah, Right", with lines like "Camilla for Queen? Yeah, Right" and "Aucklanders are people too. Yeah, Right".
Tui marketing manager Jarrod Bear says the Tui Brewery girls've been involved in ad campaigns since 2005 without complaint. "We salute Ms Morris for voicing her opinions and the public discussion it has created. The feedback Tui has received has been overwhelmingly supportive. Tui Brewery is an equal opportunities employer and we have no grounds for dismissal of the Tui Brewery girls, especially when they're doing such a good job." (Is that your tongue-in-cheek, Jarrod, or are you just pleased to see her?)

Kiwi Wine Does It Again

Wine 'experts' can be confusing.
On the one hand, they say: "Drink what you like!", "Don’t worry about scores!", "You can even drink red wine and fish if you like the combination!" The next minute, they’re dishing out sage advice about the 'right' vintage, the 'best' area etc.
Well, if you're influenced by the scorecard, New Zealand's just won 18 gold medals, including 15 Best in Class, at the UK-based 2011 International Wine and Spirits Competition.
The tally beats our previous record of 11 golds in 2008 and the competition average of 4.9 gold medals per country. NZ wine won 305 awards at the event, and scooped two of the prestigious trophy awards.
The Bouchard Finlayson Pinot Noir Trophy was awarded to Peregrine Central Otago Pinot Noir 2009 and, for the first time, a NZ Riesling won The London International Wine Fair Trophy for Single Vineyard White - awarded to Two Sisters Vineyard Central Otago Riesling 2007.
The Peregrine Pinot Noir had already achieved Air New Zealand Champion Wine of the Show in the 2010 Air New Zealand Wine Awards – yet despite its award-winning success is priced at only $39, while the Two Sisters Riesling sells for just $35: both very accessible prices for wine of this calibre.
NZ is the fastest growing country-of-origin for wine in both volume and value in the UK and exports of our wine to the US in June this year were up 21% - making the US the third largest market for NZ wine.
We’ve come a long way since 1990 when I was working in the wine trade in London. Back then, at the top end you could sometimes find some legendary NZ Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc, while towards the bottom there was Cook’s Chenin Blanc…and very little else kiwi wine at all.
The fact that a local Riesling has won such an important international trophy highlights to the world that we are producing exceptional wines beyond the Sauvignon Blanc...

F***in' Good Schnapps!

After days of bad news and bitchy blogging,
I needed a f***in’ good laugh...
...and I got one from Germany, where a drinks company has won a court battle to register the
F-word as a trademark!
Now, I thought chef Gordon Ramsay had market exclusivity on this, but apparently not! Liquor manufacturer EFAG has won legal protection for the brand name of its 'Ficken' peach schnapps. Drinkers may feel a bit awkward when asking for the drink - it's named after the German word for "f***."
The schnapps maker took the case to court after officials refused to register the name as a trademark, arguing it was socially offensive. Following its legal victory, EFAG now owns the 'Ficken' trademark for clothing, mineral water and fruit drinks, as well as alcoholic drinks (but perhaps not for tv cooking programmes).
The court ruled that, although the name was in poor taste, it was not "sexually discriminatory" and did not violate public morals.

Try this: type "ficken" into Google Translate and, sure enough, it certainly does mean "F***". However, key in the phrase at the back of the photo – "Hinter Dichtem Fichtendickicht Picken Dicke Finken Tüchtig!" – and Google tells me it means "Dense pine thicket behind thick finches pecking hard!" W-T-Ficken??!!
Obviously something's been lost in translation...

[...unt for more on zis particular word, click here...]

Woozers Wade In To Wugby

It must be tough...working at the Alcohol Advisory Council.

Does ALAC's logo look like
a beer bottle cap to you?

After all, with NZ's liking for booze, if you raise your head above the parapet on this subject, you're sure as hell gonna get it shot at! So I was a bit surprised to hear the good folk at Woozer Inc. ('Our mission is to lead a change in NZ's drinking culture') expressing concern about a calendar for junior rugby...Ready!
The fundraising calendar features nude North Otago rugby players...Aim!
The buff players are surrounded (and their 'bits' hidden) by the product of the team's sponsor, Speight's Beer...FIRE!
The $20 calendars are a first for the North Otago Rugby Union, which says it's all in fun and people understand it's for a good cause. Well, most people that is...except Woozer Inc.
Chief Abstainer Gerard Vaughan questions whether the Union considered the impact on young people, and he also questions the prominence of alcohol: "The photos looked like a low-cost Speight's beer promotion rather than a sporting club fundraiser." OMG! You mean...*whispers*...product placement??? Herr-RUMPH!!!
Interesting that the *shock*horror*probe* offending calendar has been out for a month - without a squeak from Woozer Inc., until a journalist asked for their opinion of it!
Mr Vaughan claims research shows advertising and other promotions influence the drinking decisions of young people: "This provides strong evidence that young people should not be exposed to alcohol advertising, sales promotions and sponsorship."
And so, in these tough financial times, Woozer Inc. has put its money where its mouth is...and will now sponsor every single junior rugby club in this country! Riiiiiiiiiiiiiigggghhhhtttt!!!

Amy Winehouse: No Great Loss

Last Saturday's death of troubled UK singer Amy Winehouse was obviously traumatic for her family.
But it was not unexpected: her battle with drugs, drink and depression made daily headlines. She was constantly in the tabloids, often bruised up, sometimes barely dressed, occasionally under arrest, drunk or stoned. For years, one website even asked contestants to predict the date of the singer’s death for the chance to win a free iPod!
What's also not unexpected is the on-line discussion about "27" - her age at death and rock-and-roll’s supposedly 'killer' number. It’s the age at which Kurt Cobain (Nirvana), Janis Joplin, Ron McKernan (The Grateful Dead), Jimi Hendrix, Brian Jones (Rolling Stones) and Jim Morrison (The Doors) died.
That death-age coincidence has spurred decades of theories in music circles — enough to inspire Eric Segalstad’s book The 27s: The Greatest Myth of Rock And Roll. Is it the age when fate decides to give you a disease, have you murdered or wrap your car around a telephone pole? Nupe: I'm thinking its the age when your money and access to excess, exceeds your actual intelligence and talent. As seems to have been the case with Winehouse...
Winehouse inspired countless tattoos, beehive hairdos, upper-lip piercings, and Halloween costumes - golly gee, is there a bigger sign of pop superstardom? She certainly did not leave a musical legacy with which to be immortalised - just two albums (if you forget her forgettable debut). No great output, so no great loss. One of her few hit songs was Rehab...but she 'flipped the bird' at such help.
So the 'rending of garments' among fans is a tad over-the-top: she brought her demise upon herself. Amy Winehouse was a train wreck waiting to happen. She'll only be remembered for her image. She was never going to live long enough to slide into mediocrity.
PS: 27 Oct.2011 - Inquest shows Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning.

Horsin' Around With Our Drinkin'

Seems the World Health Organisation (WHO) has saddled us with a "pissheads" label!
According to their international report, NZers drank the equivalent of about 750 stubbies of beer each in 2005. The WHO Global Status Report on Alcohol and Health shows kiwis drank an average 9.6L of pure alcohol each, well above the 6.1L global average (but still less than our neighbours across the Tasman!). Our most popular tipple: beer, followed by wine and spirits. Shock! Horror! Probe!
National Addiction Centre boss Doug Sellman says the "extraordinary" figure equals 750 stubbies of 4% beer, 100 bottles of 12.5% wine or 24 bottles of 40% spirits.
Extraordinary???
Obviously Mr.Sellman hasn't broken a sweat on a boiling NZ summer's day - or he'd sure appreciate what a couple of coldies do to a hard-earned thirst! And as for two bottles of wine a week: maybe his personal life's a bit reined in too!
If that's the case, perhaps he'd like to zuzz things up with a different tipple - next month's Hokitika Wildfoods Festival is offering shots of horse semen! Only $10! And available in cherry, liquorice and banoffee pie flavours... and even common-or-garden bog-standard "stallion" flavour.
I'll pass, thanks!

Raising A Speights For Frank

Veteran kiwi actor Frank Whitten passed away peacefully in his sleep last Saturday morning, aged 68.
Frank's acting career covered movies such as Vincent Ward's Vigil (1984) and tv shows like Gloss, City Life, and Erebus: the Aftermath among many others. He acted in the UK and, in Australia, had roles in All Saints, Murder Call and Police Rescue. He also worked with major theatre companies in NZ and Oz.
Mr Whitten was awarded "Best Supporting Actor" in 2007 for his role on tv's Outrageous Fortune, playing senile ex-safecracker Grandpa Ted West.
Ironically for a bloke who grew up in the Waikato, for 12 straight years he appeared on the Speights Beer 'Southern Man' tv ads, wryly delivering that iconic line: "Good on ya mate". Here're a couple of those classics: "The Deer Stalkers Ball"...

...and Speight's "Better Half"...

Good on ya, Frank.

Parental Neglect...Or Child Abuse?

Two cases of 'parental neglect' this week...or should we up the ante and call it 'child abuse'?
(1) A two-year-old girl found alone outside a South Auckland McDonalds on Saturday. The Maori or Pacific Island toddler was unclaimed for more than 48 hours!!!
(2) A 10-year-old boy found drunk on a Dargaville street on Friday night, with two teenagers and a 22-year-old man!!!

In both cases, the first obvious and loud question is: where the hell were the parents?

In Case (1), I'm sure we'll hear the often-used excuse in that community: "I thought she was with auntie"... sorry but that just doesn't wash. Part of a parent's responsibilities is checking on their child's whereabouts and safety, not surmising that she's safely in someone else's care, regardless of whether their culture lends itself to extended family caregiving. Parents - must - check! 
In Case (2), if the parents knew their 10-year-old boy was out getting drunk, then it's an obvious case of "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!". If they did not know he was out - or in proximity to alcohol - then we're back to Case (1) again...
Definitions from Journal of Child Abuse and Neglect: 
'parental neglect' - "acts or omissions of a parent (including a step-parent, adoptive parent, or someone who, in practical terms, serves in a parent's role) which endangers the health and life of a child or fails to take steps necessary to the proper raising of a child. The neglect can include leaving a child alone when he or she needs protection, failure to provide food, clothing, medical attention or education to a child, or placing the child in dangerous or harmful circumstances, including exposing the child to a violent, abusive or sexually predatory person".
'child abuse' - "any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation, an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm".                         
Whatever excuses are forthcoming from both sets of parents (can't wait to hear 'em!), I hope criminal charges are laid, either by the police or Child Youth and Family. Not something that lets them off with a slap of a wet bus ticket, nor should it be "just a warning because of their downtrodden socio-economic situation".
No, it's time those parents, who don't give a damn about their kids, are taught a painful lesson!

Are ALL Sport Supporters Drunken Louts?

The nasty side of sport raised its ugly head last weekend at Eden Park.
Drunken behaviour marred a NZ/Oz rugby league test, considered a test-run for the ground and transport services ahead of the *yawn* 2011 Rugby World Cup. The crowd booed during the Aussie national anthem, bottles were thrown onto the pitch, reports say there was not enough stadium security and booze-fueled fights resulted in six arrests.
Eden Park hosts several matches during the Cup, including the opening game, the semifinals and the final. It'll now look at its rules surrounding the sale of alcohol on-site.
Local residents also say traffic management was a shambles, with barriers incorrectly placed and staff directing people the wrong way.
Sport and Recreation NZ says the crowd's behaviour at the league test is a bad look for the country and needs to be sorted out before the World Cup. No shit, Sherlock!
Hey, I'm no wowzer, but someone has to ask:
+ Is excessive alcohol consumption (and associated loutish behaviour) part of the sport psyche of NZ?
+ Is getting pissed at a game, or arriving drunk, now a tolerated aspect of sport?
+ Has the long-running controversy over Auckland's "Party Central" for the *yawn* 2011 Rugby World Cup added fuel to this fire?
+ Will central government admit that far too much emphasis in the Cup preparations has been placed on extracting money from tourists, by way of booze?
And I'll also add, for those fans feeling unjustly 'tarred by the same brush' as the weekend's louts: if you do not condone this behaviour and the growing booze culture of sport, then tell those around you who behave this way...to bloody well grow up and cut it out! These pissheads are doing their country, sport, themselves and true sports supporters no favours whatsoever!!!
In stark contrast, police have praised the 60,000+ spectators at the Rowing World Champs at Lake Karapiro. A senior inspector says in all his years of policing, he can't recall any other event where the crowd behaviour has been so positive and the organisation so thorough. He added that rowing fans were there for the event, not as an alternative venue for drinking...
PS: 11 Nov.2010 - Martin Snedden, CEO of Rugby New Zealand 2011, has a muse.

No More Montana Wine

Say goodbye to one of New Zealand's major wine brands, Montana Wines: from this September it'll be known as Brancott Estate.
The name change is partly because of strong exports to USA - where Montana Wines has been known as Brancott Estate for more than a decade - to avoid market confusion (many Americans associated Montana Wines with the state of Montana, rather than Marlborough, NZ, even though Montana State's wine industry is only fledgling). The name Marlborough further caused poor wee Americans some confusion with Marlboro cigarettes (W-T-F?!).
The new name's not only the home of Montana's flagship Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc, it's also their original Marlborough vineyard and where the variety was first planted in Marlborough in 1973.
We'll still see the name on the Montana Classics range here in Godzone, with Brancott Estate appearing as linkage on the label... but all other premium wines in the range including Montana Reserve wines, Montana Letter Series and Montana Living Land (launched this year) will change to the Brancott Estate name from the 2010 vintage.
So basically another piece of local identity becomes subjugated to The Almighty American Dollar.
Owners Pernod Ricard New Zealand has also announced it's the first NZ-based official sponsor of the *yawn* Rugby World Cup 2011...as if the beer-swilling rugby fans would really care!

DB Soldiers On!

For many New Zealanders, the flavour of a particular beer is woven into the very fabric of their lives.
For me, it's DB Draught: the taste takes me back to my childhood, when dad would mix me a shandy (½ DB, ½ lemonade) as a Christmas treat.
As an adult, though I don't drink much beer, when I do it's always DB Draught. That unmistakable DB core flavour has appeared over the years in a myriad of variations e.g.: DB Bitter, DB Export Gold. So imagine my concern upon hearing DB Draught was no longer being made!!! This DEMANDED clarification so I contacted DB direct, and got this reply:
“Relax, there is no substance to any of the rumours you have heard about DB Draught ceasing production. DB Draught is a great beer, has many fans like yourself and brewing production continues to keep trucking on. Great to hear your passion for the brand. Enjoy!
Cheers,
Jarrod Bear, DB Brand Manager. ”

So if you're a DB fan who'd heard this rumour...relax, and crack open a Draught for me!

Bottoms Up!

Some people stumble over things when they're drinking alcohol... today I stumbled over an alcohol site while completely sober!
It's for a New Zealand company, The Beer Store, an on-line shop for specialty beers, with over 350 beers in-stock from 20+ different countries.
What caught my eye was the option to purchase not a dozen of this, or a 6-pack of that...but mixed packs - either compiled by "The Beer Store" or your own good self. So you can put together a gift box containing all the recipient's favourite brews from around the world, or browse the stock list for flavours you've never tried before...and be a little adventurous!
Hmmm, wonder if I'll get commission for this plug...? I'm happy to accept a mixed case of Rolling Rock and Molson, thanx!

Bloody Expensive Beer Mat, Mate!

An Aussie mum is staring down the barrel of five years in jail in Thailand, over the theft of a $60 bar mat!
Annice Smoel was drinking in the Aussie Bar in Phuket with friends (2nd.May) when they played a prank on her, putting the beer mat in her handbag. Undercover police in the bar arrested her on the way out, and she spent four nights in a 4m x 4m jail cell. Charges are likely.
Moral of the story: don't drink in the Aussie Bar in Phuket - the cost of their beer mats is WAAAAY too high!! Fair suck of the sav, cobber!!
PS: 21 May 2009 - After behind-the-scenes arm-twisting, a 6-month suspended jail term and a $38 fine, Annice is Aussie-bound, to hubby and children x 4. That fine's less than the value of the mat - probably equivalent to two cocktails at the bar! So why didn't the bar owner simply waive all the hassle and bad publicity in exchange for his precious bloody mat returned?